the truth that scares me

Jag tänker ofta på den som var.
Personen som fanns inom mig,
men som nu ibland inte har ens en gnista kvar.
Att förstå det som varit och det som blivit,
har blivit en till en kluster av tankar.
Smärtan som jag känner är beviset på det som en gång var,
som fortsätter att leva i hopp & drömmar.
Men jag vandrar på denna stig i letan efter svaren,
kanske föralltid.
Men det som skrämmer mig mest,
är svaren som kanske aldrig

I often think about the one who was.
The person who was within me,
but that now dont even show a spark.
To understand what has been and what has become,
is now a cluster of thoughts.
The pain I feel is the evidence who once was,
that keeps on living in hope & dreams.
But I walk on this path in search for answers,
maybe forever.
But what scares me the most is the answers
that might never

clearing out


Im sick from work today.
Dont know whats wrong with me just yet - but I believe the sickness will come out soon enough. I just wish it could come today so I can stop thinking on what it might be.

As you all know, I hope, me & Johan are moving in. Yesterday we packed my DVD's. It was a full box right there, haha.
Later at night, we didnt have our tv in the bedroom yet, so we tried with the really small and cute tv - but it didnt work. It just work with connection of Nokia & DVD.  But Johan is on top of the problem so soon we can watch mini-television!

update later


Thats my wideangle lens lock to show you how small the tv really is.



I just noticed this.

My Eye to the left - and Stephenie Meyes book cover to right.


Got back home from work.
I dont know what to write.
To tired.

I'll update tomorrow.


Im going into party mode!! ~

Haha -- i've eaten Thai food, once again. And im gonna eat the rests later on tonight before the party. Stack up on some vitamins so I dont get an awful hangover, you knoooow. Im going to work tomorrow too, so. Haha wouldnt be nice to work
Im getting the place a bit cleaned up, running around playing with my cat since he will be in a room all night.
I feel bad for the guy so I think he needs some play.

Listening to music as well, and soon its Big Bang Theory time again!
Its gonna be fun toniiight! ~ じゃあ、またね!

that god awful issue again

My thoughts from the moment I woke up:

*Is it 9am or 8am?
*Its friday.
*Its party tonight.
*.. and I still dont know what to wear.


Im back, due to change of plans - at Johans place.
The rest of the evening will be spent with Chips, alot of tv watching and chill. Which is not good since Im trying to lose weight. But today I just dont care. Also, I wont care tomorrow since I will be drinking a whole lot of calories.
But screw you weight! I'll take on that issue another day.

Also, Mad Men at 10.00pm. Oh yes!!
aaand My cat had very fun in a plastic bag full of paper.

it was when I grabbed the bags handle, to take a better shot, that he got mad.
As you can see, he meows in the picture.
Trying to make me go away.


Just came back home  - but not from the town.
Walked to ICA and back. Im so frozen, and got neck pain right now due to the cause of cold wind and a bad hat.
Im going to my moms place in a while to watch more Big Bang Theory. Watched whole s4 yesterday, so now im going to the third one. (Yes I go backwards.)

maybe I should make some vanilla thé??

grrr on you

gosh. This was not a nice morning.

First I couldnt sleep.
Then my cat woke me up in the middle of the night.
After that, my neighbour thought he'd hammer in something in the wall - with very little force. That means, ALOT of extra hammering since he just couldnt get the damn thing into the wall.
AND then, the sun just had to be there.


Now im gonna make some breakfast, some coffé & then go to the store to buy some stuff and also, some alcohol from Systembolaget. Party tomorrow, oh yes!

Picture from sometimes last year, when I cut my bangs.

the doing

Hello people,

im hungry. Is that all I write about? Yes. I just ate a bowl of cerial, but useless cerial. They were so tiny that my stomach almost didnt even recognise it coming down. Hmm, I need some classic Kellogs stuff.
Ive been trying to stop eating so much, but its not going good. I love to eat way to much. So that sucks. I just want to lose maybe 2-3kg or so. That would be great.

Today I've been watching alot of the Big Bang Theory and also played a few videogames with Felicia.
It was fun to play with someone else for a change, haha. Been a while I suppose.
Maybe I should start looking into the whole videogame-stuff more again. But its just so expensive..

Im not doing much tonight except taking it eeeeasy~
I just love to not-work. Hehe.

Oh, and it looks like im going out this weekend again. DANCE.

morning routine


wow - its been so long since I wrote anything more than just "Hello" in 日本. Its so bad that I didnt have the motivation to continue the learning.. but I tried for a year - and since I didnt have anyone to study with - its just not that fun anymore. Someone who wants to learn?? Haha
I just woke up, and I had terrible dreams. Again.
I hate my mind.. its just doing more damage to my head that it does good. But sometimes I just love my head when it comes to dreams haha. But this night it was just plain cruel.

Im drinking my morning coffé right now, in my lovely Nintendo Luigi Cup. Ive read the newspaper of today and I feel ready to encounter this new day again after yesterdays distaster.. (>_>)" long story short; I didnt work with the person I thought.

I found my old file on my moms computer on tattoos I wanted back then -
but I still want these tho. I'd love to have the cat on my shoulder or wrist.



I start work in a few hours - its gonna be H - to the ELL.
At least, I found out that Im going to be working with someone I like - so amen to that!

I downloaded season 3 & 4 of The Big Bang Theory today as well. Its gonna be fun to have something to watch that you havent already seen, maybe, 5-6-7- or 8-times.
In maybe an hour or so im gonna start making dinner. Unfortunitely there wasnt much to choose from, so its gonna be, probably the worst dinner you can make at home - Fries with hamburger。。。
Uhhh -  i'd rather make some thai. Haha. It takes alot more time, but its so worth it.

Note to self; Buy ingredients for thai dinner.

yesterday - without makeup. OMG. Here I am. The real me.
AKA the beast.

。。。 no. im just kidding. I think.


english breakfast VS zombie dreams

I woke up about 9am and then I started to cook some english breakfast for me & Johan.
I think its so fun to cook.. maybe I should start having dinner parties when I move in? Haha
I can cook some thai food! Oh yes. People seem to love my thai-experiments anyway.

I had some freaky dreams last night again.
In the first dream I was testing out a new car to buy, a black car, with the resemblence of Knight Riders car, KITT.
It was awesome, I must say. It was freakin wild on the streets.
After that, me and Johan got evicted for Murder. We got to go to jail and stuff, but we were innocent. Someone planted the evidence in our home, so, that sucks for us.
After that I ran away from the jail and got chased by zombies. (Like I normally do every night in my dreams)
and I was bit several times. It was scary as hell.

.. and somewhere here I woke up.

tho I didnt have time to take a better shot of the meal - because I was so hungry.


Im watching Top Model~
Double episodes! Yeah! Haha.
Otherwise I havent been up to much - facebook most of the time. Oh and me & Johan have been making some stuff ready for the move. I'm gonna start my packing maybe this week or so. :)

My three favourite models, Heather, Anya & Nicole



what should I do.
lend me some words.
some meaning.
some clarity.
lead me to the path again,
within these darkened woods.


PS. I just found out on that there is no more Smallville on tv..
What the fuck.

whats the happy haps

aaah.. good morning. But I wish a little that I could sleep for one more day.
I've called in sick today from work. For a various of reasons I wont write here.

But jikes I had some scary dreams tonight. I flew out of bed twice, because of  a monster under the bed. It was scary as shit tho. And it felt very real.  When I woke up I had gooze bumps all over my body.
Not fun.

Im going to drink some vanilla thé and watch some Smallville in a while. Yes. I watch that damn show.
I used to hate it, but during my, over-one-year-off-being-unemployed I just slowly but surely started to watch the show out of boredom.. and now I like it. Sorta.

memory of a life time


the last few hours ive been doing.. nothing. Haha.
I've sent in to applications for two jobs, thats something, but that was so fast It almost doesnt count.
Ive also looked around for some tattoos that I want.
Im thinking of maybe getting a tattoo when Im in Japan. It would be really great to have a memory like that, but on the other hand im thinking that maybe the language barrier might .. you know, screw the tattoo up.
So im looking around for some English-speaking tattoo artists in Tokyo. ^__^

I cant believe its only like 2 months until we leave. Waah.. wonderful.

Here are some paintings that I might get as a tattoo. Hard to decide tho, they are all so beautiful.

this would be my first choice, and also the first painting I ever saw from the artist.


this is my second choice



from the lack of a sane brain

Hey guys,
a late update.

I was hungover all day yesterday, so I didnt quite manage to get out of bed until maybe 5pm or so - to get hamburgers. Haha
And I took a few shots from the party but I think I was a little to tipsy to take any nice ones, so I'll just spare you guys the pain of watching really bad photos.
The party was really fun and people seemed to enjoy it as well. We also went out to dance and I think that was the highlight of the evening. It was so much fun on the dancefloor! I dont remember when I last had so much fun.
I hope to have it soon again.

Today I had Thai food, which was lovely. But I think its time to cut back on the take-out.. THO!...
I was thinking that it would be nice to have like, thai-movie night if someone was interested.. of course..

SO people reading this (and live in the same city/country...) :
Would you like to have a THAI / MOVIE~night some day in the near future?? Of course, it doesnt have to be thai food. ^^

kisse-maja & stuff。。

Heyhey people,

im currently very tired. But Im psyched about the party tonight. Im going back home to clean up the mess around 2pm, and then make myself ready. Its gonna be fuu~uun!
We are so far 16 people who will come. I dont think I will let anymore in anyway.. we are alot of people for a not so big apartment. ^^ ..

Maybe I'll take some pictures and put up here, I dont know. But I will update later!
Here are some pictures of kisse-maja. Haha


the days of my life

I got back from town, with the liquor, haha. Cant wait until tomorrow. ^^
So, here are some pictures that I manage to do something of. I will bring the picture of the sweater and the furniture, which we think is now from the 70's, later.  ^__^

Im going to make some dinner and I start work at 5pm today. My last day of the 6-days-in-a-row-shifts. Yay me.

Bought the magazine SOLO, for the free makeup.


There are some wicked dangerous ice up there. Walk under those and you'll lose your head.. or something.

We went by the local second hand store. Which is in a really tight space. As you can see.

I'll update later!
Ki o tsukete!

おはよう Morning

Whats up??
I woke up a few mintues ago, still tired tho.
Im drinking my morning coffé and checking my facebook, email and such. ~

Im going to the alkohol store (aka, Systembolaget) in a few hours to shop for tomorrows mischiefs. ^^
Perhaps I can make some time to check the new photos and upload them before 5pm today..
hmm, wonder if it would be possible. Anyway, hopefully, there will come another update later on.
Since Im not at my own computer I dont have many pictures to choose from, just to upload something. But I found the picture I took back in 2009. One of the first pictures I took with Canon Eos Mark II.

from 2009


Im back from town!
I found a pretty new furniture in old school-style. Almost 60's furniture but without the 'crooked' legs. :P So its a bit newer than 60's. And a sweater from Kappahl.

Also I brought my camera along with me so I will be putting up some shots of the town, sweater and furniture as fast as I get back to my own computer with Photoshop.
Now im making some dinner. Im starving! ~

"so shut up, boy!"

Morning! A really good morning for me. Haha, because I got to sleep. ^__^
I was just in the shower and now im just getting myself fixed. Me and Johan are going to the city and see what there is to buy. Probably nothing as always tho, but just for fun.
Out in the cold!
Im listening to this perfectly awesome pepp music while getting ready. I put up a picture from this band before, a few months ago perhaps it was. On Jia, the one in pink hair, who also made me love the color <3

NOW... another cup of coffé and the magazine, SOLO.


こんいちは!Im back at home! Oh, im free at last!

Im so happy, haha! It was a long and hard day, but now i've made up some money for Japan in April. Aaah... im so happy I made it through without calling in a fake-sickness.
Im listening to this awesome music, right down there, and just being plain happy. Im going to my moms place tonight to sleep. Oh yes, with my favourite Kitty, Kisse-Maja and my lovely TV.
Maybe even gonna play some videogames if I feel like it - because you know why?? I DONT HAVE TO WORK UNTIL 3PM TOMORROW! OH YEAH!



...took this picture just a few minutes ago - I like it. Haha


oh just darn it

not a good morning for me. As I mentioned before, I am NOT a morning person.
I only have this day to go through and then I only have afternoon shifts left until my free weekend. (and the PART-hhh-EY!!)
So im gonna.. try my hardest today.. uhh..
Now im gonna put some makeup on this tired ass face of mine.


Im back from work now! and JEEZ it was NOT fun. Like, at all. And I have to do it all over again tomorrow...

I kept thinking on the party im having on friday and how I can release my stress there. Its going to feel gooood. Haha. Im just gonna have as fun as I can. That keeps me with hope and strength.. wow, I sound like an alcoholic. But I dont usually drink often. Just.. so you know. :P
Now i've bought a Billy's pizza and im gonna eat it while watching The Pacific. Mmm the pizzas going to be perfect.

Kisse-Maja couldn't help himself when I was cleaning out my drawer. He had to be in it.

.. aaand some other attempts in lights but that wasnt has succesfull.

ah, shut up and let me sleep

Wow - im really not a morning person.

Im off to work again at 9.30am to 5.30pm. Its going to be a really boring and hard shift. Yeah.. hope people dont come to buy stuff, haha.


Ohayougozaimasu everyone,

Yesterday before going to bed I tried some varieties with the camera and lights.
Some people can do such awesome stuff with just lights in the pictures. So I wanted to try my first time and see how it works, kinda.

I start work at 4.45pm today, and will work until 11.15pm. Its not a long shift, but still, kinda boring. But I get more money during the weekends and nights. Oh yeah! And now im drinking loads of vanilla thé. Oishii!
I'll see what more I can upload until then. ^__^ またね



Classic experiments with lights

My favourite Halloween-Icon

pumping up for buisness

It was hard waking up today av 05.45am.. uhhh.. really. Tomorrow I work the night shift so at least I get some sleep in the morning.
And then I "only" have 5 more days with (boring, but needful) work and then its PART-EEEY!
Thinking about maybe giving a free drink to the ones who gets to the party first. Who doesnt want some free booze, I wonder??

anyway, soon - more The Pacific - which is awesome. On the 6th episode now.
And then just go to bed.

PS, its snowstorm here.


nighty night.

black, brown, red... huh?


So today I colored my hair - it was at first scary red - but when I washed it off it wasnt as red as it looked.
In pictures it looks like I have black hair, but its darkbrown with red pigments. :P
Also, I thought that I was going to work today at 16pm, but no no! I'd looked at the schedule wrong! I dont have work until tomorrow morning :D Gosh, I was so happy you can imagine.
Now im just gonna take it eaaaasy!~

might come another update tonight with more pictures tho. ^_^
きおつけて!Take care!


PS there is  a new HEADER on the blog - so if you Update you will see the new one.

smack a caboodle

Perhaps this color?? I've been a bit thirsty for that color a while now, and Joan from Mad Men makes it look so hot - and since she has pale skin just like I do, it might look just a hot on me as it is on her.
I saw it in the store while buying my haircolor today, in a few months I might have that look since I make my hair color lighter each time I color it.
I do it the slow way because im scared of the bleach.. haha

give me a SIGN people!


Whats up?

I just came back to Johans place. I was at the store, buying some hair coloring-stuff. Its that time of the month again.. have to color the hair so that my freakin' SCALP doesnt show that much.
Its all about appearence, people! I mean, you cant look like a junkie when you work with customers. Am I right?

NOW - here comes the question.
I know I have readers here at my blog, but most of you do not comment.
So what im asking you for today is a simple answer to this:

What do you want me to change at this blog? More ego pictures? More variety in my pictures? More text?
More personality?
You dont have to write your name if you want to stay "secret".

^__^  じゃあ、またね! See you later!~

yeah whatte fuck

Today im not working, yay me! Haha.. Im just at my dads place while Johan are working with the car in the garage. Im watching a bit top model and drinking coffé in the cold, hence the hat.
Idag jobbar jag inte, yay mig! Haha.. Jag är bara hos farsan medans Johan arbetar med bilen i garaget.
Jag tittar på top model och dricker kaffe i kylan, därmed mössan.

Im thinking on how I can change my looks - change the haircolor?? To?
I was thinking on like fiery brown or maybe.. just MAYBE.. go blond. Its been so many years since
I saw myself in blond hair. Or should I go redhead?

Jag tänker på hur jag kan ändra mitt utseende - kanske ändra hårfärg?Till?
Jag funderade på eldig brun eller kanske, bara KANSKE, bli blond. Det är så länge sedan jag hade blont.
Eller ska jag bli rödhårig?

Swedish and English news

Im so freakin happy right now!! AAH!

Its so close! Or, well, about a month close - but still! Its gonna be so awesome!
Maybe I should explain?? Me and Johan are moving into our own apartment in about a month. Actually his mom his moving and we are renting the place from her for a while, but it will still be our own place.
Im looking forward to everything that comes with! Even the bills! Haha :)

Im just jumping around thinking about on how we can decorate etc. ~
Aaah... so happy :) <3

Jag är så jäkla glad just nu!! AAH!
Det är så nära! Eller ja, en månads-nära - men ändå! Det kommer bli så awesome!
Kanske jag borde förklara?? Jag och Johan ska flytta in i våran egen lägenhet inom ungefär en månad. Det är hans mamma som ska flytta egentligen, men vi ska flytta in till den lägenheten och hyra av henne, men det kommer vara vårat eget ändå.
Jag ser så mycket fram emot allt som kommer med flytten! Även räkningarn! Haha :)

Jag hoppar bara runt och tänker på hur man kan dekorera etc. ~
Aaah.. så glad. :)

And we are thinking about buying our own cat after we've been in Japan :D
Och vi funderar på att köpa våran egen katt efter att vi varit i Japan :D

Kisse-Maja chill!

wriggle wraggle

おはようございます! Good Morning! God Morgon!

Today I wont do much except for going to work from 5pm - 11.15pm.
Me and Johan are also swinging by the local second hand store thats called "Boomerang" (or however that spells), and check if there are any cool stuff to buy.
We might be getting our own apartment within two months, so there might be some stuff that are needed. ^_^

I went out this saturday and it was nice. I danced a whoooole lot too.

すし night

~Update from Sushi night ^__^

ingredients of yummy-ness


Kisse-Maja was with us, drinking water
from the tap. He was happy.




It was the first time for my dad to taste sushi, ever - but he liked it! ^^



Today is me and my fiancés One year and eight months anniversary :)

We are making sushi together today. I'll take some photos :D

Hope you all have a wonderful evening too,


picture from 2010.. I think. Or 2009??


quick shot before eating.

Off to work in couple of hours,
see ya later


Aahhh... rest & food

I just got back home from the long shift at work --

its time for New Moon with my Johan and eat an awesome sandwich - Made by Me.

my own version of New Moon-picture.

from the end of 2010

~ Here are the pictures from New Years Eve ~

I started up the night with some Tequila Rose Liquor. It was awesome.

They started playing poker - and that is my dad concentrating. Hehe --

Everyone except for me behind the camera. But that empty chair over there.. is where I sat. :P

Then came the rocket shooting!

Then came the Chinese air-thingie. Thats really beautiful.

Pretty, isnt it??^_^

It was a nice evening with beautiful rockets - tho they are scary.
Very - scary.

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